once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
