The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
