Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
