dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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