I'd wear matching sweaters with you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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