its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
