if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
