I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
