I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
