Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
