thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
