I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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