Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I cut my penus on the lid.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I want to be your penis for a week.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
