the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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