I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
