Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's rum buckets o'clock
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
