You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
