I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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