Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
