There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
