I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
