He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
