things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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