I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So squirting runs in the family.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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