don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
