I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
