just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
