Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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