You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
