yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
