Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
