I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
