Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
