You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
