So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
