i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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