Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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