i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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