I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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