Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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