Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
