he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
