im about as happy as oj after his trial
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
