i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Congratulations! We have a period
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
