Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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