I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
