NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
