Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
