how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
