Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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