Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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