I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
