never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
