Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
