I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
