oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
