and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
