I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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