I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
