allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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