How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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