i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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